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The Rules of Terror Club

The first rule of Terror Club is: You do not talk about Terror Club.

The second rule of Terror Club is: You DO NOT talk about Terror Club!

Third rule of Terror Club: If someone yells “stop!”, you call them Islamophobic.

Fourth rule: Only four guys per terror cell; you are all “lone wolves.”

Fifth rule: One attack at a time, fellas, until we can coordinate; and no matter how many incidents are linked by a common element, they are all isolated.

Sixth rule: Use whatever weapons kill the most civilians. If you don’t have a weapon of mass destruction, use a kitchen knife.

Seventh rule: Terror Club will go on forever, even after the worldwide caliphate is established.

And the eighth and final rule: If this is your first time at Terror Club, you have to wear the suicide vest.

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If you like your freedom…

I have spent many hours reading Obama’s major policy speeches, and he is always redefining the ideas of freedom into principles that support authoritarianism. His speech in Cuba is a perfect example of why I will never trust a single word this man says, even though I agree with many of the actual words he speaks.

Too many people listen to his words in isolation. He believes in a kind of “freedom” that would be good for people on the prison-island of Cuba, but in America – a country built on individual rights and a free market – his ideas are making us less free.

He tells Havana, “I’m appealing to the young people of Cuba to build something.” But he tells America, “You didn’t build that.” (If I have to give you more examples, you haven’t been paying attention.)

This is perfectly consistent with his worldview: America is too free, too rich, and too arrogant. It’s all just a zero-sum game, and for other nations to prosper America must come down a few pegs.

Never mind that has no idea how wrong he is. Barack Obama is a good politician, and he may be a good man for all I know. But he is also a man who stands on both sides of history while telling the world that America is on the wrong side.

Vote wisely for Obama’s successor. If you like your freedom, you can keep your freedom.

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Reprise: Whence Comes the Witch?

“It’s drowning all your old rationalism and skepticism, it’s coming in like a sea; and the name of it is superstition.” – Emile Cammaerts in his 1937 study of G.K. Chesterton, “The Laughing Prophet.”

In 2013, after reading that a woman “accused of sorcery” had been burned alive in Papua New Guinea, I wrote an essay titled “Whence Comes the Witch?”

I contended then that America, no matter how “enlightened” we claim to be, is not immune to witch hunts. The wave of hysterical child sex abuse prosecutions that swept the country in the 1980s and 90s proves my case, and today there are other hysterias just waiting for the right spark.

President Obama’s current Director of the Office of Science and Technology Policy is John Holdren, just one of many modern scientists who believe many strange things and is willing to use government power against others who disagree.

Everyman, having exchanged his rationalism for tea leaves, has heard the call that “the world can’t wait” and “we must act now.” He has responded with the despair of immigration riots, Occupy Wall Street riots, Black Lives Matter riots, campus riots, and now riots at political rallies.

You may believe in gluten chemtrails or that trees should have legal standing to sue or that “the world can’t wait” or that violence is a legitimate political strategy – or in any number of other superstitions. But if you do, don’t be surprised when the next witch hunt occurs.

Whence comes the witch? Jules Michelet answered that question in 1862: “I say unhesitatingly: from times of despair.”

The most illegal thing one can do in America

As far as anyone can tell, this is the most illegal thing one can do in America (subject to change without notice). If you have any ideas for improving the crime, please let me know.

When a black transgendered male IRS agent attempts to collect your Obamacare Shared Responsibility Payment, you lure him to the EPA Superfund site in your back yard where you refuse to check your white privilege or bake him a cake or photograph his upcoming nuptials, and then bludgeon him to death with a plastic grocery bag (from a non-union store) full of 1933 Double Eagle gold coins while denying man-made climate change and reviling him as a cisgendered race-betraying member of the Klan and the heteropatriarchy, after which you remove the “Do Not Remove” tag from a mattress, smoke ceremonial peyote stuffed into an unfiltered Marlboro cigarette* (bought “loose” on a street corner from a Black Lives Matter activist**) and toss a burning match that starts a fire on tribal land, violate an eagle with its own feather, and run over an endangered tree frog and a spotted owl as you escape across your own property (which has been declared a federally-protected wetland and an illegal logging operation) into another state in a Volkswagen diesel 4×4 with non-DOT-approved tires and expired tags and modified emissions software and no smog certificate while drinking from a jug of illegally-collected rainwater, texting on an encrypted iPhone, and speaking out for gun rights in a campus free-speech zone*** and carrying a life-sized picture of a semi-automatic .223 rifle with a flash suppressor and 11-round magazine that has a Romney 2012 sticker on the tactical folding stock, until you finally arrive at your job at Apple where you do not assist the FBI with weakening your own code.

*The second-hand smoke of which causes mesothelioma in an illegal undocumented immigrant who is being deported and separated from her children because you voted for Donald Trump.

**Which causes the homeless vendor to be murdered by the police, making you an accessory after the fact.

***Which causes the Chicano Socialist Students For Aztlán to accuse you of criminal hate speech and civil rights violations with special circumstances for intentional emotional abuse and reimbursement for the Latino safe space.

(I didn’t come up with this by myself, but I can’t reveal my sources – even though I’m not a “journalist” protected by the First Amendment – because they might be prosecuted for hate speech. I’ll take my chances.)