A Higher and More Powerful Title

Jimmy Carter had an op-ed in the Wall Street Journal yesterday, in which he extols the virtues of human rights.

Fortunately for all of us, free speech is one of the actual human rights, and state-sponsored “protection” from free speech (aka “hate speech laws”) is not. People like Barack Obama and Jimmy Carter are nothing more than lawfully-elected criminals running a protection racket: we elect them, they promise to “protect” us from “hate speech.”

Neither Carter nor Obama believe the words they speak. If they did, they would stop trying to redefine “citizen” as “undocumented resident.”

Yes, that’s the new phrase for “undocumented immigrant.”

In this civic atmosphere of “no borders” and “sanctuary city” resolutions, it is richly ironic (or, more accurately, cravenly pathetic) that Carter writes this paean to America: “In our democracy, the only title higher and more powerful than that of president is the title of citizen.”

“President” Obama literally tried to end-run the Constitutional rights of citizens with “a pen and a phone” – that, and the power of the Department of Justice.

In contrast, I actually believe that the “higher and more powerful” title is “citizen.” If only Jimmy Carter really believed that.

Progressivisms

Some speech is hateful, so this is hate speech. Not all Christians are good, so Christianity is evil. Not all Muslims are terrorists, so Islam is peace. Not all men are rapists, so we live in a rape culture. Some immigrant men come from an actual rape culture, so we call them youths or orphans. Some women choose to raise their children to be suicide bombers, so women who oppose abortion are anti-choice. Some people believe motherhood is the most important work, so conservatives believe that the only job allowed for women is motherhood. Unmarried women who have multiple children but no high school diploma or job are proud single moms, so educated married women with husbands and children are bourgeois enemies of working families. Conservatives have families who feed off the poor, so Conservatism is destructive. All Progressives are conservationists, so taxing and spending is conservation. Paying taxes is patriotic, so only traitors complain about taxation by corrupt representatives. 3% of the population pays 52% of income taxes, so only racists notice that 13% of the population commit 85% of inter-racial crime. Tens of millions of people stop looking for work, so they are not unemployed. Not all employed citizens save for retirement, so those who do must pay for those who don’t. Employed Americans support law enforcement and safe communities, so people who burn down their neighborhoods and shoot police are freedom fighters. One man’s terrorist is another man’s freedom fighter, so Progressives love poor people. American taxes make people on welfare wealthier than 99% of the world’s poor, so the 1% hate the poor. Americans hate the poor, so Western techno-democracies emit the most CO2 pollution. Every living mammal exhales CO2, so humans are parasites. Parasites love electric cars that get their rechargeable batteries from strip-mined precious metals, so the coal industry must die. Coal miners bitterly cling to their guns and religion, so they are anti-progress. Anti-progress families don’t care about women, so there are more men than women in science and technology. There are more women in college than men, so colleges are sexist and women need safe spaces. Colleges prepare students who are thoughtful, well-informed, and resilient, so college students feel invalidated as they protest distressing viewpoints and retreat to safe spaces. College trustees entertain presentations on bullying by faculty and staff, so some professors file First Amendment lawsuits against journalists. Most journalists are bipartisan, so Donald Trump didn’t pay taxes in 1996 and is unfit for the White House. The New York Times didn’t pay taxes in 2014, so it’s a corporation that uses smart power. Hillary Clinton used smart power in her Russian uranium negotiations, so journalists support Hillary Clinton for the White House. The Clinton Foundation took money from foreign dictators, so Hillary hit her head and her staff took the Fifth. Hillary is running for president, so voting is imperative for working families. Some people can’t get a state ID card, so voter fraud doesn’t exist. Some people vote 12 times in one election, so voter ID is racist. I’m a white person of Viking ancestry who is voting for Donald Trump, so I’m a white slaver. Everyone’s ancestors are guilty, so who do you owe?

The most illegal thing one can do in America

As far as anyone can tell, this is the most illegal thing one can do in America (subject to change without notice). If you have any ideas for improving the crime, please let me know.

When a black transgendered male IRS agent attempts to collect your Obamacare Shared Responsibility Payment, you lure him to the EPA Superfund site in your back yard where you refuse to check your white privilege or bake him a cake or photograph his upcoming nuptials, and then bludgeon him to death with a plastic grocery bag (from a non-union store) full of 1933 Double Eagle gold coins while denying man-made climate change and reviling him as a cisgendered race-betraying member of the Klan and the heteropatriarchy, after which you remove the “Do Not Remove” tag from a mattress, smoke ceremonial peyote stuffed into an unfiltered Marlboro cigarette* (bought “loose” on a street corner from a Black Lives Matter activist**) and toss a burning match that starts a fire on tribal land, violate an eagle with its own feather, and run over an endangered tree frog and a spotted owl as you escape across your own property (which has been declared a federally-protected wetland and an illegal logging operation) into another state in a Volkswagen diesel 4×4 with non-DOT-approved tires and expired tags and modified emissions software and no smog certificate while drinking from a jug of illegally-collected rainwater, texting on an encrypted iPhone, and speaking out for gun rights in a campus free-speech zone*** and carrying a life-sized picture of a semi-automatic .223 rifle with a flash suppressor and 11-round magazine that has a Romney 2012 sticker on the tactical folding stock, until you finally arrive at your job at Apple where you do not assist the FBI with weakening your own code.

*The second-hand smoke of which causes mesothelioma in an illegal undocumented immigrant who is being deported and separated from her children because you voted for Donald Trump.

**Which causes the homeless vendor to be murdered by the police, making you an accessory after the fact.

***Which causes the Chicano Socialist Students For Aztlán to accuse you of criminal hate speech and civil rights violations with special circumstances for intentional emotional abuse and reimbursement for the Latino safe space.

(I didn’t come up with this by myself, but I can’t reveal my sources – even though I’m not a “journalist” protected by the First Amendment – because they might be prosecuted for hate speech. I’ll take my chances.)